Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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