I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
