Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
