i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
