Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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