She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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