and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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