i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
