fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
