yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
