You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
