Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
