last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
