I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
