I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
