The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
