So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
