Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vagina is officially offended.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
