My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
