true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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