There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
