Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is my gift to your gina
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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