Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
