hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
