i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Randomize
