So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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