I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
