I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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