I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
