Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
