he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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