He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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