I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
