Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
