Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
