I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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