hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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