would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize