i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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