Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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