I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
