i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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