We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
