You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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