Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
