i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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