My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just pee around me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
