It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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