i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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