is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
