I think I died a long time ago.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Couch. On fire.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize