there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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