you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
