i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
