Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
