I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
