I cockslap morals
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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