whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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