I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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