did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
