everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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